So thankful

Thank god for letting me have sisters so wise and so nice. 😖 I'm crying again.. Over such a stupid thing. 🙁

Angry and upset

Just shed fat angry tears. Honestly why should i reject a seat that's reserved by you for me when she wont do so for me. Why should I sit with someone who just sees me as a friend of convenience. Why should I go seatless with someone else when I can sit with YOU MY FRIEND.

But obviously I can't tell you this because I just fear youll look down on me more?

So how am I gonna look at you tomorrow when I go to school? Should I ignore your voice like how you ignored me when I called out to you just now? Should I go sit somewhere else and just make myself scarce?

Define cheating

Didn't really think there'd be different definitions to it but yah. I guess the degree to it will change its acceptance too?

Tempting

Oh so tempting. To get a lunch invite. But what am I thinking

I miss you mummy

Its been 5 years since you left us. My lack of faith causes me to think that what's left of you is just the memories we have of you. I get reminded of you a lot and i do mention you from time to time. I wished you were still around. Sincerely. Deeply wished that.

Papa has retired. I wonder how much he misses you too. I think he's really lonely without you. But if you're still around somewhere, please send some love to him from above.

I miss you mummy.

I'm happy to be back

Amazingly, coming into class in this new semester makes me feel happy. Maybe it's the new classroom feels. The floor tiles have changed, the walls are now painted... And familiar faces look happy too. Mew!

Yoon eun hye

A pinoy RG told me I look like Yoon eun hye hahaha. The eyes especially? Though I hugely beg to differ... And I recalled that Leonard used to like her a lot. Ha... I wonder if things are still the same.

Touched.

I think it's a really silly reason to feel touched. But a good friend just told me that three of them are going to Taiwan together and cuz the other two aren't close to me, they didnt want her to ask me along even though she kind of suggested. I guess she kind of felt bad and told me about it. Haha. She said they forbade her from asking me. And then she said she was thinking about how I would feel if I knew about it much later on.

I haha. Really feel.. Considered I guess :) she's so thoughtful even though certain things...

I'm just happy to have a friend. 😶

Dreamt of mummy

Somehow for some reason or another, i dreamt that I got myself a veggie bowl and mummy offered to feed me by hand. Haha. I was lying on my double decker bed that isn't even in my home anymore. And mummy was sitting down beside me on my bed. The lower deck. She was just feeding me piece by piece. Haha. Idk why I'd dream of that. Never had that experience while she was still around.

I guess I just miss her. And miss the things we could have done together.

My ass

As if you stayed committed to the promises all the time. Please don't joke

Pokemongo

All the craze.. Gaah it's really addictive. I've spent days on it already. Seriously what a bad time for its release in sg! 2 more end semestral tests. :( radiography and pathology. The most difficult ones! :( :( Gaah need to remember lots of stuff!!!

Sisters in ksl. They ate durians last night. So envious; I wanna eat tooo :/

Ahhhhhhhh

Okay I really need to study!!!! 😭

Need to mug

Honestly I'm so distracted and so unmotivated though. Gosh exam on Monday. 😫

Freaking hell

His distrust in me is so fking appalling. I already told him I'm not in contact with him. He just insulted me by assuming I was out with someone? Haha. I typed f off and blocked him.

Then he smses me to get me to meet him the day after my exams end. He adds what? No excuse and reason. What the f is he saying? His grammar is horrendous. Not like I can meet him though. Going to JB with my family. I'm not obliged to tell him though. He's so full of shit. It's preposterous trying to talk to him.

I actually pitied him today because he said he was on the way to my home to pass me pringles that I was craving for yesterday. But I told him not to come. When he said he was on the way already, I wanted to tell him to just come then. But the next moment he said he was already cabbing home. Using money like water. Zz. Anyway, I asked if he wanted to have dinner together. But he just refused to reply la? I guessed he was trying to give me a taste of my own medicine. But wtf I merely asked him that out of pity. Then he just insults me like that. You freaking kidding me? Lol just fk off seriously.

Sometimes

Holding on is more damaging than letting go.

Don't you think... It's better to let go?

🍵

Mmmm I'm drinking peppermint tea. It's awesome. Refreshing. And tasteless. Lol. My teeth are still hurting 😥

Self censorship

Just practised that even though no one visits this blog. Bitching about groupmates is a nono regardless of how valid the reasons.

So painful!!!

Went to tighten my braces today. She did so for the lower anteriors. Omg it's so painful!!! Freaking painful. I couldnt eat much for dinner cuz it's just so tender. I hope tomorrow it'll be less painful.

Dentist actually said my teeth will be sore the whole month. I was like omg internally. I hope she didn't actually mean really the whole month. :( she used a stiffer wire today to make my lower anterior teeth stick forward a bit. Can see spaces in between my teeth already.

Oh and I chose bright green modules today. Luckily my dentist asked if I'm OK with the color after just applying for one tooth. It's really too bright 🔆. Only selected it cuz of the sis. 😌 but ya I decided to only have green for my lower set of teeth so my upper set is still lavender. I think lavender's my favorite! Followed by black!

But ya ouch it's still so painful.. 😭 should I take panadol...

Stats done

Done with stats ICA. Somehow it was more difficult than expected. But heck its just 1 modular credit. The other credit from the project.. Ahh I'll just leave it to the rest to do. I take it that I've done my part.

Oh damn

I did so badly in the test today. Okay need to buck up big time.

Can't believe end semester tests start on Monday next week. Feel quite screwed

Its such a cold day. Rain pelting down heavily. The wind is so strong.

Taken it off

Its a very pretty accessory. One that I'd been wearing on my neck and not taken off for months. I only decided to really take it off yesterday. Haha. My neck feels bare. Feel like wearing another necklace instead. Shall go look at what I have in my drawer tmr.

The little reminders

As I said bb. The thought of him came into mind.

With the knowledge that he's around. I hope very hard that I won't get to see him. But my searching eyes betray me.

Conflicted. I shouldn't be thinking this way.

And bloody hell I should be focusing on studying for the test tomorrow.

Burnout

I think I worked quite hard throughout the semester on all of my modules. Yes I did watch a lot of kdramas and a lot of anime (like each week I can be looking out for updates from 5-7 Korean dramas, more than 5 ongoing anime, and when I ran out of things to watch, I'd binge watch a completed drama or anime or watch a couple of movies). Such is my life, and such is my desire to escape from it. Sigh idk what to say... But that's nothing new.

I still think I worked quite hard throughout the semester. And as a result I'm getting this burnt out feeling. Yeah that's despite all that I've watched.. Cuz the escape is always only temporary. My social life is in shambles, maybe that's partly why I'm feeling so drained. Does that make sense?

Anyway I've got a test tomorrow that's worth 20% of a module that is worth 4 modular credits. That's quite a lot. I haven't really prepared. I've been trying to. I even skipped practical today to come home early to mug. But I felt so lethargic that I slept for two hours in the afternoon. Drats. Hopefully I'm able to fall asleep easily tonight. And hopefully tomorrow's paper won't be too tough.

Fingers crossed.